A single girl in a showbiz world

Sunday 25 Feb
I told best mate F about NME man coming back in a text and she told me she had a text from one of her ex's on her birthday telling her how he was in Brighton and how he'd been to a really cool art gallery and how he was generally just cool.
No happy birthday or anything - v strange.
I don;t think F should have replied, but she did with a biting message. She was like 'I'm too busy with the art gallery I part-own to go to Brighton, even though my brother lives in Brighton. My old mum visited Brighton the other day - the oldies love Brighton."
Go F! We are way cooler than any man! Why can't our ex's go away and disappear? And if they come back, they need to woo us back in a gentlemanly style not show off and get arrogant.

Sunday 25 January
Feel very PROUD of myself as I finished the synopsis from 8am - 10am and met the designer at 11. We had a very productive brainstorming session and are on track to get a synospis ready. It will have a sexy design and snappy writing and will generally be irresistible.
The designer, W, seemed to like what I had done and he had lots of things to add. He's worked with so many celebs - Beyonce, Victoria and David Beckham, Prince, Robbie Williams and Justin Timberlake are just a few people who have worn his clothes or received his styling advice.
We spent three hours together at his office in Brick Lane, listening to the radio while we got our ideas together. The office was absolutely freezing but I was glad of that as it kept me awake! I was also prepared, suspecting I would feel sleepy, so I took a can of red bull in my lap top bag.
The designer W and I are going to parties together to get more detail and to update the book with fresh fashion. He knows lots of cool people, so I think writing his book could help me with my showbiz day job.
After the meeting, there was no rest for the wicked. I figured I am tired so may as well keep going. I went grocery shopping as have had no time to get anything in the past couple of days. Got all healthy stuff like tuna, salad, nectarines, banana and low-cal jelly. (And some Pepsi Max - not so healthy)
Dropped the shopping at home and got changed into my exercise gear. Went for an hours run!!
Then had a lovely shower and ate tuna rice and salad. Planned to lie on the sofa, but then I looked at my floor and thought it needed hoovering. So I hoovered the whole house while I was up. Then I did some laundry and put the laundry that was hanging up back in my cupboard.
Sat back down again and had a banana, nectarine, plum and some low-cal jelly. But my mind wouldnt rest so i got up again and fully cleaned the bathroom, including sinks bath and toilet. Did the kitchen surfaces and then hung up the wet laundry.
Finally sat down about 8ish and dealt with text messages a few friends had sent me.
Got one from NME man!! He said he was busy today - he'd just finished football - but wanted to know what I was doing during the week. The only day I am free is Tues, but hes not free then. There is a chance I will be free on friday (if I dont have to work late), so I suggested that. I dont know why as last time wasnt even that great but its nice to be wanted. And NME man is fit (he won at football). Quite looking forward to Fri.
Then started blogging (as I have been rubbish for ages)
But now I am going to bed as I have to fit in a long run tomorrow as part of marathon training. Probably 12 miles, which I hope to do in 2 hours or less.
Now going to bed before I fall down and die at my computer. I have no energy at all and ache all over...

Saturday 24 January
After all that comfort eating, I decided to get up early and do a half hour run. Have a marathon to do in 12 weeks, after all.
Got into work feeling super positive after my run but then it was ruined when the editors hated ALL my stories. So back to comfort eating - egg sandwich and a Cadbury's Dairy Milk chocolate bar BEFORE lunch. DOH!
I am properly being bullied. Its not just that they dont like my stories but they are sabotaging me in terms of contacts.
Two things
(1) Mildly irritating: A contact had an amazing story about Boy George, that should have gone in the paper. However, this contact also gives stories to other people at my newspaper and my editors didnt put the story in the paper as a message to the contact not to deal with me.
(2) VERY irritating: I had a story about a Hollywood actress modelling for Mont Blanc jewellery. It was on p35 - after the centre spread - so not a massive deal. The PR called me up panicking, because the Mont Blanc campaign isnt released until Feb. They said if I pulled the story they will invite me to The oscars as their guests and give me access to other Hollywood stars like Hilary Swank and Eva Longoria. I thought that was a great deal as my story was on p35 and an interview with Hilary or Eva could be front page! But my editors wouldnt go for it, saying I was being bribed. In reality, they were just jealous they hadnt been offered the trip. It was one news editor in particular, who is a big bully. When the Oscars happen, he will shout at me for not having anything and then I will laugh in his face. Idiot.
Whats worse is I have ruined my relationship with the Mont Blanc PR because they thought I had agreed to the trip. And they thought I was unwilling to compromise and would find it difficult working with me in the future. Arrrgh!!
Even worse is that it is my turn for the late shift in the office. So I stay until 11pm, (after getting in to the office at 9am not to mention by 630am run preceeded by getting to bed last night at 2ish)
So I got my work done until first deadline, briefly went down the pub with a colleague for one drink and a plate of chips (chip addiction again).
And then I started work (at about 9pm) on the fashion designer's synopsis. I need to finish it before a meeting at 11am in Brick Lane tomorrow.
So no sleep for me as I got a taxi home to get back at 1120pm. Two hours writing a synopsis and chapter plan (while I did have a bit more vodka) and fell into bed at 2am.

Friday 23 January
After waking up at 430am, I spent the whole day feeling like I was going to collapse or cry at any minute. So I comfort ate lots. Had breakfast and then when I got to the office I had a big bag of crisps. Had a salmon salad for lunch but then a cake in the afternoon and a sandwich in the car on the way to a tv show. I had crisps and chocolate before the show to stay awake otherwise I would have died (the show started at 11pm and I had been up since the early hours).
The day had true highs and lows.
The lows were crashing - I got told I was the worst writer ever at my paper when some copy I wrote about Amy Winehouse was rejected. Its because im not sleeping as I am normally a good writer. That got me paranoid that what i had emailed my literary agent was rubbish..
Another low was I couldnt go to best F's actual birthday drinks (she had a massive party already, the day before the chocolate hotel). Instead, I had to go to Celebrity Big Brother Big Mouth. F asked me to join her when I finished but I was still at the TV studio in Elstree at 1230am and I had a massive headache because I had been awake for so long. Felt like the worst friend in the world.
But there were some true highs. I was paid to be on the TV show Big Brother's Big Mouth and I performed so well on it. The Channel 4 presenter Davinia Taylor said I was 'hot' - Lesbian loving?? Then avtor Verne Troyer, who played Mini Me in Austin Powers chatted me up on air.
And finally rapper Coolio told me after the show: "Girl, you have big arse lips - wanna come party with me?"
I said I couldnt because I knew he had to do a press conference after and that started at 1230am and wouldnt be over til 1am and then I would have an hours journey home and have to get up at 7am for work on Saturday. But he wouldnt take no for an answer. He tried to get in my car! He batted back his minder, telling her I was his cousin, and begged me to party. Very flattering. As I drove home in the car, I thought more about it (despite my headache). Then I kicked myself - I should have done it and wrote about it. I could have got up later the next day. DAMMMIT. I need a celeb lover. Or any lover would do...

Thursday 22 January
Weird day as I got up early in the morning to think and pray about ways to get out of my job. I have two options for books - one about me and one about a celebrity fashion stylist - so I wrote a pros and cons list for each option. And after about an hour, I resolved to start off by trying to do both. The mantra of the morning was 'Whatever will be will be"' (until I physically crack up and have to ditch one)
I resolved to start writing a synopsis for the designer's book. Got into the office and was super productive - emailing the designer what we needed to do before our next meeting.
And then I called the literary agent from the previous night to get her advice. She asked me to flesh out some of the chapters for my own book. ASAP. HELP!
So I didnt do much work for my day job in the afternoon and started the chapter. And then I didnt go to any parties after work and went straight home to work on the chapter. I stayed up until 1230am and got up at 430am to finish it off. It was really dificult, because i felt under pressure to get it right and I wasnt as creative with my language as I could have been. I finished it and emailed it to the agent, but I am concerned it is not good enough. The worst thing is, I am not sure if I am concerned because it is genuinely rubbish or just my brain is mashed up due to lack of sleep.

Weds 21 January
I did one thing tonight that makes me proud. I blagged my way into the VIP area where the book agent and tito jackson were drinking champagne while the rest of the journalists were drinking warm red and white wine in the press drinks in the foyer.
The moral was never give up until you are in the best place. I could just sense the journalists drinks were boring!
So I made it my mission to find out where tito was.
Then I blagged my way in to the small vip room with my sister by standing on the bouncers toe in his high heel boots and running in while he was doubled over in pain. I think he was even in too much pain to come chasing after me!
Not sure if the book agent saw my blag or not but hope so as she would have been impressed.
And at least i got champagne for my efforts - way better than warm wine.

Wednesday 22 January

Today in the office was a bit of a wash-out. As the showbiz editor and the tv editor weren't there, I decided to do what I wanted to do for a change.
Top of my list was working out what I was going to have as an escape route for the job i have at the moment. I dont actually mind what I do hanging out with celebs and stuff, but I do not like hardly anyone that work in my office.
So Im thinking writing a crazy book based on my weird life? Another option is writing a book about a celeb stylist.
I think both could sell well, so Im a bit confused...
Wrote a big list with pros and cons to both, but never actually finished it because I had a brainwave halfway through.
That happened when I was thinking about the exact format for books about me and my life. I had a great idea and so I emailed a book agent straight away.
And then I got busy with work phone calls.
But I did get a phone call from the book agent, who said the idea about me was an option. She asked what I was doing for the rest of the week and it turned out we were going to the same party that night.
I spent rest of the afternoon feeling nervous - I wanted to get stories for my paper but I didnt want to mess up in front of agent.
In the end, it worked out ok. I met Tito Jackson, who the book agent was looking after, and asked him some bland qs that might make the paper but wouldnt embarrass the agent. And then i got out of the situation asap. I just felt the agent was there to hang with tito jackson, not me, and I would rather have 1-on-1 time with her another time.
In a way, I know my attitude should be more confident - I am a star or I need to believe I am to get my book to sell. But I just cant afford to mess up at this stage.
And another stress to the night was I had my little sis down from hemel hempstead as I had promised to help her find a job.
So before the night started (i arranged to meet my sis at 630) I went into a posh cafe, Konditor and Cook, and sat on my own for 15 mins with a big slice of chocolate cake.
And then I was a bit stressed at the end of the night, so I got some carrot cake on the way home. Before I knew it I had eaten all of that (I meant to buy it to make myself happy and save it til breakfast the next morning - sometimes just buying it makes me happy)
At least I ran 3 miles this morning. And my alcohol intake was just 1 glass of wine, max, which is pretty good considering I didnt drink last night, had a tiny bit of cava on monday and nothing at all on Sunday.
Rest day for exercise tomorrow so need to eat less. F has invite me to dinner at a restauarnat called The Real Greek but I might sack it off and have a plain salad at home. Not in the mood for more shit food. Would be nice to see F, but there will be another time

Tuesday 21 January
I think I am addicted to chips. I has them twice today. Once at lunch with a salad when I met some marketing guys from red bull. And then in the evening with my neighbour Alex when we went to KFC.
My day was v stressful work wise as I got in to see an email from the news editor saying last weeks paper was rubbish and we all needed to step up our game. The email said if we wanted to keep spending expenses and wining and dining contacts then we had to get stories. It hit a nerve, after I spent so much money at Nobu on Thursday (with my sister).
So I filed my expenses quickly. Then sorted out payments for everyone that was chasing me. Then tried to sort out holiday dates. My parents had already booked a cruise for March back in October but becausue of hols rules, I cant request hols until the new calendar year. And I couldnt do it last week coz I was off. (And I am now slightly worried I wont get the holiday becoz the showbiz editor is on jury service the week before...)
Then I thought of stories and emailed ideas to my editors.
Went to meet Red Bull for lunch. Came up with some good ideas for travel features. And mended bridges that I burned by being a bit of a diva in Australia. (I wansnt that bad bit did moan slightly about having to hang out in groups every night).
After lunch, I got my boots re-heeled, sorted out my showreel, called up a few people to ask about interviews, tried to blag some Serato DJ decks and records, tried to blag some asos.com clothes, emailed my mortgage adviosor and emailed a girl about a liam gallagher story. (Thats a long story about an Oasis groupie, who has shagged Liam, who I want to get to tell her tale). Then I tried to work on a story with a girl from Grazia magazine and arrange a bike delivery of a dvd to the showbiz editor (who left the office early). And finally I watched Barack Obama's inauguration on the TV. When people ask me what I was doing on inauguartio day, I can say i was doing LOTS of admin in my office. (is that good or bad? Probably bad, but quite cool to be in a newspaper office)
Walked home from work (to be marginallly healthy) and met up with my neighbour Alex. We havent seen each other since November so I schedules it in my diary to book a night off work. I wanted to meet up with him on a work night becasue it is an effort making conversation with him. And he likes eating unhealthy food, which I dont mind doing during the week but would rather eat healthy at my weekends.
KFC was delicious though and we watched Slumdog Millioanire on DVD. Proper relaxing.
The only bad point was Alex asked when I wanted to meet up again. And I realised I was not free for ages and I dont think I can afford to book time out of my schedule like that again. Especially when I also want to meet my old housemate Jenny Love again.
Too many friends, too little time. Not to mention NME man, who I've been too busy to contact.

Monday 19 January
Got up at 9 and was out the house by 930am for my run. Did 12 miles (the second half of the london half marathon) and was back to my house about 1230pm.
Showered, and had a few phonecalls and then made myself some pasta for lunch.
And then realised the phonecalls were more important than I thought.
Everyone was calling to tell me I was on p3 of The Sun newspaper. Kelly OSbourne had been arrested and my quotes were in the Sun newspaper. Normally the sun only has topless girls on p3 so I thought it was an achievement to be on p3 without exposing my breasts.
Had an hour of organising myself - sorting out my showreel and projects for the week and then went to Oxford Circus to get my eyebrows threaded. Normally I go to a quick walk-in bar in House of Fraser because I dont have time to keep appointments. But there was a queue of 6 people in front of me (thats not what I call walk-in). So I went to John Lewis department store next door. They had a walk in place too but it was 17quid! I debated it for a minute but my eyebrows were in a state so I had no excuse. I had to go on the BBC show that day!
BBC show went well (althoiugh I was about 10mins late getting there because of eyebrows). But I wasted time and ruined my healthy weekend by eating cake and cava after the show to commemorate a camera woman's last day. Normally at the weekends I try to have two days without alcohol. And I had been for a run that day so was trying to be good.
But champagne and birthday cake is my favourite combo in the whole world. (Even above champagne / rose and fish and chips). So I had to...
Got home an hour later than planned and had a healthy double boiled egg salad with one piece of dried toast, followed by a pear and raisins.
Went to bed hungry (but happy that I was being slightly good save the cava lapse).
Also went to bed happy becasue more people in the world found out about my Kelly Osbourne thing. It was all over the US gossip websites PerezHilton.com, usmagazine.com and people.com. And there were forums, where the majority of readers had supported me (I wrote some comments myself, of course). The free london paper, londonlite, had also written about it so I cut that out the paper and saved all the internet sites on my computing. Good for the memoirs.. Hopefully one day I'll meet a man, have children and grandchildren and tell them all about it.
And im hoping the man I meet will be a celeb.
No NME man news today

Sunday 18 January
I had to get up at 830am (and wake up NME man) because I promised to meet someone in Finchley at 10am. Im writing an autobiography for this someone (hes a fashion designer) and so it was quite important.
I had a shower and NME man and I left for the bus stop together. I was so tired, I was shaking. Two nights of Kate Moss's parties and then a night of romance that ended at 247am.
At the newsagents by the bus stop, I bought the papers and some steak mccoys crisps and a white chocolate milky bar (I know NME man is veggie but the steak crisps are a brilliant hangover cure)
Got to Finchley at 10am and I was so annoyed because the fashion designer wasnt at his house, where we were going to meet. Finally he met me in a cafe down the road, but it made me qs if I want to write the autobiography. I can spend the time he is messing me around doing something for myself.
So I got the meeting done quickly and I wasnt very focussed. I got a bit out of it but it was a bit of a disaster. I have a lot to think about with this autobiography.
Took me an hour to get home, during which I read the papers. Im gonna think about the autobiography thing later in the week.
As soon as I got home, I had to go for a 10k run. I want to get a long run done tomorrow and I know I wont get round unless I do something to ease the weeks indulgences today.
So did an hours run, showered, ate some salad and tuna and then got ready to go out again. I had to cover a film premiere for my BBc show and get some showbiz qs asked to Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Winslet.
And then when I got back, I typed up my stuff in an email to the BBC and was working non stop til I went to bed at 2230. I was exhausted and hungry when I went to bed. (But happy I was hungry because it menat I was fit for a long run tomorrow)

NOTE: I WANT A CELEB BOYFRIEND. Meeting Leo at the revolutionary road premiere made me wonder what it would be like to date him or any other celeb. Would I be photographed on the red carpet like him? Would people give me clothes to wear? Would people do my hair and make up for me? YES THEY WOULD! So why am I working so hard at The Sunday Mirror when I could have much more by having a celeb boy!

(I texted NME man once in the evening asking how his day was and telling him how my meeting went. And no kisses in his text message - why???)